blue

An endless sea of rippling blue

The rolling waves surreal
Dancing sparkles of the summer sun
My eyes remain on you
Entranced in this moment 
Lingering in this loving place
Time hardly exists
A amorous hand in my own
A glace that says it all
Your presence is my remedy

Pretending

A full heart; a closed mind

No where to unleash the emotions plaguing me
I feel for a second but lock all fanaticism away
I’ll keep pretending
I don’t think of your smile
A happy memory; a pained thought
The invisible line holding back what I’ve to give
I’m somewhere behind this wall
Every inch of me screaming
Why can’t I break your gaze?
The here and now battles the trickery of the past
Broken hearted moments Cloud my present mind
I plead to you in the only way I know how
Shelter my broken pieces; Let me rebuild

 

Insecure

Blindly staggering

Trying to feel the way out
Trapped and alone
Wrapped in a blanket of self loathing
Circling and reliving
My torment and ghosts nagging
Do I hear laughter?
Such a sickening sound
I could be better; I could do much more
I only want to make myself proud
Maybe I could live with me then
The fighting would end
The pain would descend
The outer layer that I’ve long since
Needed to shed

Lost

I stare ahead

A constant blank gaze
One of confusion
And utter lack of concentration
There will be another day
There is always more time
One more moment
To Complete what I’ve yet to
I’m drifting in a sea of separation
Divided from myself and the world around me
The self is lost from me
I’m left with a void
I feel a dull ache 
A constant nagging voice
A candy coated version of my reality
I’m searching through my life’s maze
Lost in my twists and turns
Where did I begin
And when did this other person take over

ahead

There is a light ahead

I feel its warmth
Reaching out my arms
To something I’m almost afraid to touch
Ordinarily I’d be running away
My mind would remain blank
But here in this moment I’m completely engrossed
My faith won’t let me turn away
The feeling of your skin on my skin
A million thoughts fly through my mind
I can never find one word; one perfect word
Struggling to conceal my over active emotions
Your smile gives me hope
In silence I know my heart is breaking
A constant battle betwixt the two
The balance in my head and heart
I find myself questioning my reasoning
How do I hide yet offer more of myself to you
On this flight to your heart
Is there a word
A phrase
One possible action
A key word
I’m almost out of ideas
Though every day I start anew

You

How can I explain this abode?

The place I show the world

A person no one knows

How can I begin to feel?

Sensations I’ve never known

A fear of getting too close

Staying in place; never getting out of control

A smile with no happiness

A heart that doesn’t love

Secrets locked behind my eyes

Careful as you’re entering my world

Chasing this unattainable dream

Watching as this life unfolds

Stuck in this perpetual cycle

Dance around the rules I’ve been told

I see the sun dance in your eyes

Mesmerizes almost hypnotizes

Chills that ignite my soul

A puff of smoke that clouds my mind